Beth Fleenor's musings, projects, compost-itions and inspiramentations
(please note: this site is intended as a sketch book/travel journal for the activation of this artist/human..more in depth discoveries can be found by jumping to other web stations through the portal on the right)
Showing posts with label THOUGHTS/EXPERIENCES. Show all posts
Showing posts with label THOUGHTS/EXPERIENCES. Show all posts
In Fall 2014 I will be launching a Hatchfund patronage campaign to raise funds for my Blindfolded Music/Ensemble endeavors, and a new monthly subscription program through Ziibra for listeners looking to get more involved with all the new work happening...SOUNDS AND COLLABORATIONS GALORE!
But, if you just want to support the human - the person that believes that an emphasis on creativity in a culture gives rise to creative solutions to social problems, and has spent the last decade hell bent on trying to amplify the voice and vision of as many artists' endeavors as possible - the same human who on Sept 1 received a 100% rent increase causing her to have to pack her life into storage for 2 months, and find a new home in the midst of the most generatively explosive time of her artistic life...
If you want to help that human, you can make any cash money contributions through the button above - and it is GREATLY APPRECIATED!!
Below are a couple sounds - you can enter $0 to download for free.
Times are a changing.....every obstacle is an opportunity....FORWARD!!
(you can't get this day back)
I'm starting to learn....I can tell when the shift is happening and observe my (re)actions change accordingly. The body tightens down, locking the fort, my muscles and tenderness slammed into concrete shipping boxes laced with scratched nerve endings - that's the crucial moment, where if I don't pay attention, sogginess causes the bottom to drop out and the walls crash into each other taking me down into the folds....but if I do pay attention, with focus I can lodge something in the space to keep it from closing in - breath. air. oxygen. and intention.
I'm one of the lucky ones...the very lucky ones...It's really not that bad. and I'm learning a new dance that's teaching me holistically each day.
I can hear 80 year old beth encouraging me in the distance - "yes, do the work. do it now." #funwithfybromyalgia
dear humans -
stop freaking out because there are other shades of humans.
stop freaking out because consenting humans are having sex with other consenting humans.
stop freaking out because humans have sex - period.
stop freaking out because humans come in many shapes.
stop freaking out because humans have hair.
stop freaking out over all this absurd bullshit.
do freak out over the fact that after thousands of years we haven't even become smart enough to not beat the shit out of each other or ourselves.
the earth is not flat.
we're all connected in a contained system.
we're revolving around our star on a tiny spec
living in a web of multiple intertwined ecological systems.
this much we know.
rule 1: don't be an asshole
rule 2: make sure you're not breaking rule #1
I've grown really tired of the phrase - "they're artists, they do it for the love, not for the money" - because while this is true, it also doesn't illuminate the fact that being an artist is in fact a job, and you should get paid a living wage for doing your job....and people should do jobs they like, even love, and are good at, that way they do a better job at their job, and society reaps the benefits......I think it's more accurate to say, "they're artists, they do it because they understand it has a value so individually, socially, and culturally important, that it must happen at all costs, because the value of humanity cannot be measured in dollars"
...but I understand that doesn't quite roll of the tongue the same way....
Frank and I have fought a lot this past year...many growing pains, shifts, changes, confusion and difficulties, as are to be expected in any serious, long term committed relationship...and although we've always had an open relationship, welcoming new perspectives, needs and energies, we took some real space in 2013 to take an honest look at the full trajectory of our time together, our individual desires, and our future hopes and dreams.....I'm quite happy to report that during the holiday season we renewed our vows in a private ceremony and are now basking in the glow of our second honeymoon - and I know in my deepest self that we will be together, supporting each other, pushing each other, with renewed inspiration, resilience, unabashed love, trust, and devotion, for a very very long time....thanks for nearly a decade of wonderful adventure Frank, and here's to many more!!
An emphasis on creativity in a culture gives rise to creative solutions to social problems....art is the discipline of being.....work it - own it - live it - love it!!
The Frank Agency - Intersect. Interact. Integrate.
I don't believe that anyone has any more value than anyone else. I don't believe that anyone is more important than anyone else. We must each learn to believe in the validity of our own existence. We each have something to contribute and learn from each other. How do we rewrite the trajectory of history - how do we change the story from this hierarchy, from this system of false importance - a story of condemnation and attack - to one of mutual respect & support. How do we create something that benefits all of us - because there's space and necessity for all of us.
(an emphasis on creativity in a culture gives rise to creative solutions to social problems)
I am getting excited about a performance this week, and it has brought about a flood of memories and thoughts, causing me to take a moment and reflect on where/who I am today.
On Sunday 4/28/13 I will be performing with the Samantha Boshnack Quintet at the inaugural Seattle Women in Jazz Festival. The show takes place at an incredible all ages venue in town - the Vera Project. I’m greatly looking forward to celebrating women in music in performance with one of my very best friends – a woman who inspires me daily to step up to my fullest potential as a human, musician and composer. At the same time, one of my other best friends – the inimitable artist Paris Hurley - is headed out on her 10th European tour with Balkan metal legends, Kultur Shock, comprised of some of my favorite, and most influential people including long-time inspiration Amy Denio.
In April 2009 I got a call from Paris saying that Kultur Shock was headed on tour to Russia in June and that Amy couldn’t make the first handful of dates – the band needed a sub on reeds and voice. First off, there is no substitute for Denio – she’s one of the most original sounds/individuals I’ve ever laid ears on, but having been in love with KS for years, I was eager to step up to the challenge and bring my own shoes to fill the gap. At first it was going to be an audition to see if I was up to the challenge, then I got a call from lead singer Gino Jevdjevic saying in his beautifully thick Serbian accent, “we don’t have time for you to suck, send us your passport.” ……and then it began….I had 5 weeks to learn 20 songs singing and playing clarinet on the hardest, most furious music I’d ever been a part of. I’ve never practiced so hard in my life. At first I wasn’t physically capable of what the work demanded – I didn’t have the core support to alternate playing/singing continuously through a 60min punk/metal set, and so along with learning the music, I had to also get into shape physically. I trained daily and trusted that when the time came, the music would carry me.
We left in June for our first show in Slovenia and in front of 6000 people (the biggest show I had ever played at that point) I stepped into my new role, holding down Gino’s stage left. We continued to our second show – the Creation of Peace Festival in Kazan, Russia – to perform for 200,000 people. For that “hit ‘em fast and hard” set, the band pulled in a song that featured a huge improvised vocal solo in the middle, and I started the mental preparation of how to be present and receive that many people while simultaneously generating sound. (a HUGE special thanks to my friend Trey Gunn who had given me advice about that particular festival – which he had also played – telling me how to get the right monitor mix in the first 30 seconds of the 35 minute set). When the time came to move to center stage and take the mic from Gino, a warmth I’d never felt on stage came over my entire body – I felt like a kid crawling up into my mom’s lap – and in that moment “Crystal Beth” was born. I played the hardest I’d ever delivered, throwing out the biggest energy net I could cast to surround the audience (which I actually couldn’t see the end of), and as soon as we finished I left the stage and puked for 13 hours. We continued the tour and headed into Siberia for what would be my final performance before handing the baton back to Denio.
We were at the festival a day early, and Paris and I started to notice some interesting things about gender dynamics. First, most of the kids we saw were little girls. And we observed that most of the women were taking on one of two roles – subservient to their male partners, or all “sexy character-ed out” throwing themselves at the musicians and other men. When it came time to close the festival with our show, we realized we were the only female instrumentalists featured. Together, we decided that we were internally dedicating this show to the ladies – to the little girls – to the women of the world….to put something on the other side of the scale. For my final KS show – for 40,000 people – I played, I cried, I sang, I danced. When the set finished, Paris and I had a big embrace and headed to the merch tent for photos & autographs….but what we were met with, could have never been anticipated. Instead of the usual “teething wolves” – my term for the men who come drool on you after they’ve seen you on stage, treating you like some meat in existence for their pleasure, something to be consumed – there were hoards of young girls and their moms, lines of women waiting to be photographed with us. They had never seen women playing instruments (clarinet & violin) in a rock band and each one of the girls had identified with one of us, and were lined up to thank us.
One little girl in particular pointed to my pigtails, and then pointed to hers and smiled. She then bent down and took off her shoe – handing me her black skull converse to be autographed. Looking in her eyes, I saw the light of possibility. I saw what it means to have an example, to know that there are others like you, and to see the importance of being open and owning who you are completely. We shared that space together, and it made us giggle with delight.
I came home from Russia, quit one of my huge administrative jobs (handling publicity & advertising for Cornish College) and started a new life – with music in the front seat instead of business. I had been living in a state where I thought my greatest contribution to the world was to help brilliant artists get their word out – but I realized my greatest contribution was to BE MYSELF….was to hurl all 130lbs of vibration I have to offer, with every fiber of my being, every opportunity possible. I got a tattoo of a eagle feather on my left forearm – the feminine, receiving side – a mark to symbolize that I could no longer hide away from others or myself…a mark that it is imperative that we honor EACH BEING’S RIGHT TO BE WHO THEY ARE FULLY.
The only thing that matters in music, is music. It doesn’t matter how many people are listening, what you look like, what you know/don’t know, or where you came from. It’s just music – sound – that powerful powerful force that can change the state of anything. But when you see me on stage, I want you to know I am a woman, because that is who I am truly – I want you to know that this is one way a woman can sound, can look, can be. There is no better than, there is only existence….and existence is made up of a lot of different kinds of people….that’s where the beauty resides: in the combination, the harmony, of all things. The more we honor each other’s right to be who they are, the more we can alleviate great suffering and find solutions for the next generation.
Art is medicine – and it can heal the world.
Sometimes I just have to sit and cry - I can hardly believe how incredible my life is. I get to perform roughly 140 shows a year, plus recordings and rehearsals, making all kinds of music with all kinds of people, from all over the world. And as director of the Frank Agency, I get to support countless other artists doing the exact same thing: manifesting their voice & vision. When I came to Seattle 15 years ago, having never improvised a note, but desperately wanting to play jazz and other types of music, I never imagined how spectacular it would all become.
It is from this place that I am so very honored and excited to perform with the Sam Boshnack Quintet at the Seattle Women in Jazz Festival – I am a woman, this is how I roar.
today I opened a Doug Aitken installation by performing with Terry Riley on the street in front of Seattle Art Museum with the Seattle Symphony, accompanied by some of my very best friends and most admired colleagues - including Paul Taub who took me to coffee at 19 and convinced me not to quit playing clarinet and leave seattle to pursue a life as a concert producer instead (I didn't think I was a good enough musician - a battle I'm sure I'll continue to fight my whole life, but luckily I learned what music is really about and now I know better)...and after that spectacular performance I went to work on some crystal beth with 7-piece band & 12-piece choir for the SJCE/Bushwick Book Club premiere at Town Hall next week 3/28 & 29.....I can't believe I'm celebrating 15 years in seattle this year - what an incredible place. I don't think there's anywhere else in the world that would allow me to be who I am so fully - in all its dynamic complexity. It's good to have a home. It's good to have a tribe. Music is the Best.
it seems music is our first collective response in both deep tragedy and great celebration, universally....
I think that means it's fundamentally important to humanity.
Yep, I think so.
collective activation - expansion of presence
people need a way to deal with themselves
a way to deal with all of it
((( make some noise )))
strength in vulnerability decree:
today is suck it up and embrace your insecurities Monday!
that's right! today I will embrace my least favorite activity as a performing artist - the photo shoot.
I play music. I'm not a model. I am best experienced in motion - in the transmission of vibration - preferably with audio.
But if you want people to ask you to do things, you have to tell them your name.
and if you want to receive someone's recognition, you have to show them your face.
perform for 200,000 people, surrounded by video cameras and a 25ft press gallery directly in front of the stage - no problem, fully confident.
moderate a panel of creative thinkers for an audience talk back, produce a concert, present a marketing plan or pitch a proposal to a board of directors, - no problem, fully confident.
stand still and have your photo taken solo to accompany an interview piece.....MOST. DREADED. PART. OF. MY. JOB.
It's an honor to be featured, I am proud that my work and my clients' work is being noted....
but this is one of those moments that I feel like the path would be easier if I was a dude doing this job....it feels like they face less scrutiny & objectification when it comes to their physical image accompanying their work....but I'm not a dude...I'm a lady....a fiercely fire-y, ferociously energetic lady that believes the world can be changed through the power of creativity....so she's gonna go have her picture taken....
I'm not here to be looked at - I'm here to be felt - but to do that I have to let you see me....
...it's a relationship dependent, time based activity....
Butch Morris framed it so perfectly - "it's not what is it - it's how is it moving"
For me personally, working with Butch was an answer to a question - he changed my life. In our correspondence following his conduction work in Seattle, he offered the following thoughts...which I think in this moment - are for all of us:
"If I was able to give you “something” (anything positive) to further your adventure, I am very (very) happy and grateful to do so. I can only suggest that you continue your quest, answer your questions, and ask them too as I have had to, to arrive at this point in this life…. And continue to “understand” to the best of your ability.
YOU ARE WELCOME, YOU ARE WELCOME, “YOU ARE WELCOME” to the best that life in art has to offer.
But you “must” seek and you must “be”….all is before you.
“All” of our questions are important… Have patience and the answers will come..
All of what we have to do takes time… Trust yourself.
Disappointment is a part of what we all have to live with… but the joy will overshadow disappointment.
We have to give ourselves time to learn,…be patient and trust yourself. ….all will be OK.
It is always a great pleasure to work with a mind such as yours…
You have many friends in this universe of music…they will find you and you will find them. ...stay articulate."
I am so very thankful for Butch Morris and Wayne Horvitz. ((((( <3 )))))
Yo Butch - am I playin too much?
Now you're tellin me more movement
and I'm wonderin where the groove went
are we in development?
Yo Buch - am I playin too much?
(chick influenza)
January 5, 2005 the Frank Agency website was launched, and a new life was born.
13 years of arts administration….concert production, publicity, grant writing, development, booking, management, strategic planning, promotion, marketing, box office, outreach, communication, communication, communication….and 8 years ago I embarked on an idea…
What if instead of every individual working to develop their single network of resources, we banned together – pooled our information, collectively worked towards trying to strengthen our efforts and possibilities, and supported each other to build something bigger than any one of us could create on our own – simultaneously challenging each other to step up to the fullest manifestation of ourselves….
…..I started trying to create a hub of institutional, organizational, structural, communal, activated knowledge revolving around the notion that every artist has a valuable voice and contribution, and somewhere out there, there’s an experiencer (audience) who wants/needs to hear exactly what they have to say, and presenters who want to create a plane for that exchange to occur….and these things should be more connected – more accessible – deeply working together to explore the cavernous aspects of our humanity.
A lot has happened in 8 years – twists, turns, ups, downs – there are things that could have been done so much better, there are things that were absolutely astounding. But the truth in the work has remained the same- at it’s root the theory that “an emphasis on creativity in a culture gives rise to creative solutions to social problems”
I am still as scared as I was 8 years ago – scared that I have no idea what I’m doing, terrified that I’ll not help at all, fearful that it’s just not possible to elevate something so fleeting & intangible in a world of greedy commodity driven idolatry.
But, I’m also more confident and more sure than ever that my theory is correct – and that no one knows what they are doing, and that we’ve already helped, and that it has to be possible to elevate the fleeting & intangible because it is the very essence of our existence.
and that our makers, and culture creators, can take us in to aspects of our being we do not understand, cannot control, do not see, but have to deal with, and are driven by….they help us dance with, and sing with, celebrate and release the full complexity of human experience….art is the discipline of being….
I am so grateful to every one of you who has participated in this idea – every artist, every experiencer, every space, place, presenter, and partner – it has been an incredible journey, and I believe so much more is possible.
In another 8 years I’ll be looking at my 40th birthday – and little Frankie will be able to drive.
It’s time to build….
Thank you for 8 AMAZING years
