THE FOCUS

micro-moments of positivity resonance

WIND-UP TOY PEDAL BOARD

GENTLE REMINDER

You're human- you exist, therefore you have value...

LISTEN TO THE SOUND

GO THERE

presence is my drug - perception is my weapon altered states through awareness move in closer try not to look away

FOUNDATION

I don't believe that anyone has any more value than anyone else. I don't believe that anyone is more important than anyone else. We must each learn to believe in the validity of our own existence. We each have something to contribute and learn from each other. How do we rewrite the trajectory of history - how do we change the story from this hierarchy, from this system of false importance - a story of condemnation and attack - to one of mutual respect & support. How do we create something that benefits all of us - because there's space and necessity for all of us.

(an emphasis on creativity in a culture gives rise to creative solutions to social problems)

I AM A WOMAN, THIS IS HOW I ROAR

I am getting excited about a performance this week, and it has brought about a flood of memories and thoughts, causing me to take a moment and reflect on where/who I am today.

On Sunday 4/28/13 I will be performing with the Samantha Boshnack Quintet at the inaugural Seattle Women in Jazz Festival. The show takes place at an incredible all ages venue in town - the Vera Project. I’m greatly looking forward to celebrating women in music in performance with one of my very best friends – a woman who inspires me daily to step up to my fullest potential as a human, musician and composer. At the same time, one of my other best friends – the inimitable artist Paris Hurley - is headed out on her 10th European tour with Balkan metal legends, Kultur Shock, comprised of some of my favorite, and most influential people including long-time inspiration Amy Denio.

In April 2009 I got a call from Paris saying that Kultur Shock was headed on tour to Russia in June and that Amy couldn’t make the first handful of dates – the band needed a sub on reeds and voice. First off, there is no substitute for Denio – she’s one of the most original sounds/individuals I’ve ever laid ears on, but having been in love with KS for years, I was eager to step up to the challenge and bring my own shoes to fill the gap. At first it was going to be an audition to see if I was up to the challenge, then I got a call from lead singer Gino Jevdjevic saying in his beautifully thick Serbian accent, “we don’t have time for you to suck, send us your passport.” ……and then it began….I had 5 weeks to learn 20 songs singing and playing clarinet on the hardest, most furious music I’d ever been a part of. I’ve never practiced so hard in my life. At first I wasn’t physically capable of what the work demanded – I didn’t have the core support to alternate playing/singing continuously through a 60min punk/metal set, and so along with learning the music, I had to also get into shape physically. I trained daily and trusted that when the time came, the music would carry me.

We left in June for our first show in Slovenia and in front of 6000 people (the biggest show I had ever played at that point) I stepped into my new role, holding down Gino’s stage left. We continued to our second show – the Creation of Peace Festival in Kazan, Russia – to perform for 200,000 people. For that “hit ‘em fast and hard” set, the band pulled in a song that featured a huge improvised vocal solo in the middle, and I started the mental preparation of how to be present and receive that many people while simultaneously generating sound. (a HUGE special thanks to my friend Trey Gunn who had given me advice about that particular festival – which he had also played – telling me how to get the right monitor mix in the first 30 seconds of the 35 minute set). When the time came to move to center stage and take the mic from Gino, a warmth I’d never felt on stage came over my entire body – I felt like a kid crawling up into my mom’s lap – and in that moment “Crystal Beth” was born. I played the hardest I’d ever delivered, throwing out the biggest energy net I could cast to surround the audience (which I actually couldn’t see the end of), and as soon as we finished I left the stage and puked for 13 hours. We continued the tour and headed into Siberia for what would be my final performance before handing the baton back to Denio.

We were at the festival a day early, and Paris and I started to notice some interesting things about gender dynamics. First, most of the kids we saw were little girls. And we observed that most of the women were taking on one of two roles – subservient to their male partners, or all “sexy character-ed out” throwing themselves at the musicians and other men. When it came time to close the festival with our show, we realized we were the only female instrumentalists featured. Together, we decided that we were internally dedicating this show to the ladies – to the little girls – to the women of the world….to put something on the other side of the scale. For my final KS show – for 40,000 people – I played, I cried, I sang, I danced. When the set finished, Paris and I had a big embrace and headed to the merch tent for photos & autographs….but what we were met with, could have never been anticipated. Instead of the usual “teething wolves” – my term for the men who come drool on you after they’ve seen you on stage, treating you like some meat in existence for their pleasure, something to be consumed – there were hoards of young girls and their moms, lines of women waiting to be photographed with us. They had never seen women playing instruments (clarinet & violin) in a rock band and each one of the girls had identified with one of us, and were lined up to thank us.

One little girl in particular pointed to my pigtails, and then pointed to hers and smiled. She then bent down and took off her shoe – handing me her black skull converse to be autographed. Looking in her eyes, I saw the light of possibility. I saw what it means to have an example, to know that there are others like you, and to see the importance of being open and owning who you are completely. We shared that space together, and it made us giggle with delight.

I came home from Russia, quit one of my huge administrative jobs (handling publicity & advertising for Cornish College) and started a new life – with music in the front seat instead of business. I had been living in a state where I thought my greatest contribution to the world was to help brilliant artists get their word out – but I realized my greatest contribution was to BE MYSELF….was to hurl all 130lbs of vibration I have to offer, with every fiber of my being, every opportunity possible. I got a tattoo of a eagle feather on my left forearm – the feminine, receiving side – a mark to symbolize that I could no longer hide away from others or myself…a mark that it is imperative that we honor EACH BEING’S RIGHT TO BE WHO THEY ARE FULLY.

The only thing that matters in music, is music. It doesn’t matter how many people are listening, what you look like, what you know/don’t know, or where you came from. It’s just music – sound – that powerful powerful force that can change the state of anything. But when you see me on stage, I want you to know I am a woman, because that is who I am truly – I want you to know that this is one way a woman can sound, can look, can be. There is no better than, there is only existence….and existence is made up of a lot of different kinds of people….that’s where the beauty resides: in the combination, the harmony, of all things. The more we honor each other’s right to be who they are, the more we can alleviate great suffering and find solutions for the next generation.

Art is medicine – and it can heal the world.

Sometimes I just have to sit and cry - I can hardly believe how incredible my life is. I get to perform roughly 140 shows a year, plus recordings and rehearsals, making all kinds of music with all kinds of people, from all over the world. And as director of the Frank Agency, I get to support countless other artists doing the exact same thing: manifesting their voice & vision. When I came to Seattle 15 years ago, having never improvised a note, but desperately wanting to play jazz and other types of music, I never imagined how spectacular it would all become.

It is from this place that I am so very honored and excited to perform with the Sam Boshnack Quintet at the Seattle Women in Jazz Festival – I am a woman, this is how I roar.

THANKS BUCKY!

FIND YOUR INNER YODA

Do or do not - there is no try...

CIRCLES

today I opened a Doug Aitken installation by performing with Terry Riley on the street in front of Seattle Art Museum with the Seattle Symphony, accompanied by some of my very best friends and most admired colleagues - including Paul Taub who took me to coffee at 19 and convinced me not to quit playing clarinet and leave seattle to pursue a life as a concert producer instead (I didn't think I was a good enough musician - a battle I'm sure I'll continue to fight my whole life, but luckily I learned what music is really about and now I know better)...and after that spectacular performance I went to work on some crystal beth with 7-piece band & 12-piece choir for the SJCE/Bushwick Book Club premiere at Town Hall next week 3/28 & 29.....I can't believe I'm celebrating 15 years in seattle this year - what an incredible place. I don't think there's anywhere else in the world that would allow me to be who I am so fully - in all its dynamic complexity. It's good to have a home. It's good to have a tribe. Music is the Best.

((( MAKE SOME NOISE PEOPLE )))

it seems music is our first collective response in both deep tragedy and great celebration, universally....
I think that means it's fundamentally important to humanity.
Yep, I think so.
collective activation - expansion of presence
people need a way to deal with themselves
a way to deal with all of it
((( make some noise )))

STRENGTH IN VULNERABILITY DECREE

strength in vulnerability decree: today is suck it up and embrace your insecurities Monday!

that's right! today I will embrace my least favorite activity as a performing artist - the photo shoot. I play music. I'm not a model. I am best experienced in motion - in the transmission of vibration - preferably with audio. But if you want people to ask you to do things, you have to tell them your name. and if you want to receive someone's recognition, you have to show them your face.

perform for 200,000 people, surrounded by video cameras and a 25ft press gallery directly in front of the stage - no problem, fully confident. moderate a panel of creative thinkers for an audience talk back, produce a concert, present a marketing plan or pitch a proposal to a board of directors, - no problem, fully confident.

stand still and have your photo taken solo to accompany an interview piece.....MOST. DREADED. PART. OF. MY. JOB.

It's an honor to be featured, I am proud that my work and my clients' work is being noted....

but this is one of those moments that I feel like the path would be easier if I was a dude doing this job....it feels like they face less scrutiny & objectification when it comes to their physical image accompanying their work....but I'm not a dude...I'm a lady....a fiercely fire-y, ferociously energetic lady that believes the world can be changed through the power of creativity....so she's gonna go have her picture taken....

I'm not here to be looked at - I'm here to be felt - but to do that I have to let you see me.... ...it's a relationship dependent, time based activity....

REMEMBER

REST IN SOUND BUTCH

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/30/arts/music/butch-morris-dies-at-65-creator-of-conduction.html?_r=1&

reflection. mentorship. intuition. discipline. focus. intention. sound. lineage. friendship. community. expression. communication. transcendence. understanding. compassion. symbiosis. inspiration. humanity. creativity.

Butch Morris framed it so perfectly - "it's not what is it - it's how is it moving"

For me personally, working with Butch was an answer to a question - he changed my life. In our correspondence following his conduction work in Seattle, he offered the following thoughts...which I think in this moment - are for all of us:

"If I was able to give you “something” (anything positive) to further your adventure, I am very (very) happy and grateful to do so. I can only suggest that you continue your quest, answer your questions, and ask them too as I have had to, to arrive at this point in this life…. And continue to “understand” to the best of your ability. YOU ARE WELCOME, YOU ARE WELCOME, “YOU ARE WELCOME” to the best that life in art has to offer. But you “must” seek and you must “be”….all is before you. “All” of our questions are important… Have patience and the answers will come.. All of what we have to do takes time… Trust yourself. Disappointment is a part of what we all have to live with… but the joy will overshadow disappointment. We have to give ourselves time to learn,…be patient and trust yourself. ….all will be OK. It is always a great pleasure to work with a mind such as yours… You have many friends in this universe of music…they will find you and you will find them. ...stay articulate."

I am so very thankful for Butch Morris and Wayne Horvitz. ((((( <3 )))))

http://bfeyeheart.blogspot.com/2010/03/betting-with-butch.html

Yo Butch - am I playin too much? Now you're tellin me more movement and I'm wonderin where the groove went are we in development? Yo Buch - am I playin too much? (chick influenza)

Wayne Horvitz, Butch Morris, Bobby Previte...After All These Years (WH) > LISTEN https://soundcloud.com/wbhorvitz/07-after-all-these-years-1

photo by Daniel Sheehan

HAPPY 8TH BIRTHDAY FRANK!

January 5, 2005 the Frank Agency website was launched, and a new life was born. 13 years of arts administration….concert production, publicity, grant writing, development, booking, management, strategic planning, promotion, marketing, box office, outreach, communication, communication, communication….and 8 years ago I embarked on an idea… What if instead of every individual working to develop their single network of resources, we banned together – pooled our information, collectively worked towards trying to strengthen our efforts and possibilities, and supported each other to build something bigger than any one of us could create on our own – simultaneously challenging each other to step up to the fullest manifestation of ourselves…. …..I started trying to create a hub of institutional, organizational, structural, communal, activated knowledge revolving around the notion that every artist has a valuable voice and contribution, and somewhere out there, there’s an experiencer (audience) who wants/needs to hear exactly what they have to say, and presenters who want to create a plane for that exchange to occur….and these things should be more connected – more accessible – deeply working together to explore the cavernous aspects of our humanity. A lot has happened in 8 years – twists, turns, ups, downs – there are things that could have been done so much better, there are things that were absolutely astounding. But the truth in the work has remained the same- at it’s root the theory that “an emphasis on creativity in a culture gives rise to creative solutions to social problems” I am still as scared as I was 8 years ago – scared that I have no idea what I’m doing, terrified that I’ll not help at all, fearful that it’s just not possible to elevate something so fleeting & intangible in a world of greedy commodity driven idolatry. But, I’m also more confident and more sure than ever that my theory is correct – and that no one knows what they are doing, and that we’ve already helped, and that it has to be possible to elevate the fleeting & intangible because it is the very essence of our existence. and that our makers, and culture creators, can take us in to aspects of our being we do not understand, cannot control, do not see, but have to deal with, and are driven by….they help us dance with, and sing with, celebrate and release the full complexity of human experience….art is the discipline of being…. I am so grateful to every one of you who has participated in this idea – every artist, every experiencer, every space, place, presenter, and partner – it has been an incredible journey, and I believe so much more is possible. In another 8 years I’ll be looking at my 40th birthday – and little Frankie will be able to drive. It’s time to build…. Thank you for 8 AMAZING years

THE AMAZING BUDDY WAKEFIELD

please have a listen....I had the AWESOME experience of breathing with Buddy by fire and music with great humans in the home of a good friend a couple weeks ago, and was so very relieved and charged to hear someone find the right words...thank you Buddy Wakefield... segments of what he dove into that night are featured in the video and poem below...I've developed a love affair with his work and perspective. We Were Emergencies (by Buddy Wakefield)

We can stick anything into the fog
and make it look like a ghost
but tonight
let us not become tragedies.
We are not funeral homes
with propane tanks in our windows,
lookin’ like cemeteries.
Cemeteries are just the Earth’s way of not letting go.
Let go.

Tonight
let’s turn our silly wrists so far backwards
the razor blades in our pencil tips
can’t get a good angle on all that beauty inside.
Step into this
with your airplane parts.
Move forward
and repeat after me with your heart:

“I no longer need you to fuck me as hard as I hated myself.”

Make love to me
like you know I am better
than the worst thing I ever did.
Go slow.
I’m new to this.
But I have seen nearly every city from a rooftop
without jumping.
I have realized

that the moon
did not have to be full for us to love it,
that we are not tragedies
stranded here beneath it,
that if my heart
really broke
every time I fell from love
I’d be able to offer you confetti by now.

But hearts don’t break,
y’all,
they bruise and get better.
We were never tragedies.
We were emergencies.
You call 9 – 1 – 1.
Tell them I’m having a fantastic time.