EYE HE(ART): March 2011

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Saturday, March 26, 2011

It is actually possible to be lonelier with someone than you can ever be by yourself.

(which is also why it is important to really cultivate the relationships that bring true fulfillment to your individual being)

we need both

.....and the power of humanity.....whew, don't get me started, I can't get into an epic essay right now.....

I have been having some tough emotional things these days and as a result spending a lot (more) of my time alone and/or silent, trying to be more open to receiving all of the gifts that are surrounding me constantly.

one of those gifts is the paradox of our experience of reality.

We are completely alone in ourselves and our individual experience, and yet we are never alone, always completely connected to all that is, has been, and ever will be. We cannot NOT be connected to it. We are it - IT is the combination of all of its parts, and we are a big part of that. We are a droplet of water in the ocean of the universe - it surrounds us and fills us, and carries us.

We are one hand or a heart or the frontal lobe of the collective body.

Within each woman, every woman
within each man, every man -
Reflections, echoing our divinity.

there is something to be said about the importance of relationships - to yourself as well as to others....in my opinion, it is kind of what all this "life" business is all about.

It is necessary to honor the balance.
Only through our relationship with our selves can we truly know others and only through our relationship to others can we truly know ourselves.

(above: DOSHI DEI_FIRST CRYSTAL BETH SONG_WRITTEN 2006)

FORWARD

"go into bright
find the light
and know that friends don't mind
just how you grow"
- Beefheart

(photo by Nicholas Polimenakos 2010)

Friday, March 25, 2011

MY TRUTH

I am surrounded by so much love - it is really quite remarkable.
layers and layers and layers...
breathtaking
when you look at the truth
and accept it

I love you too -
and am so very grateful.

ORKES MANOHARA + CHICK INFLUENZA

Orkes Manohara = Maeg O'Donoghue-Williams Sukarwanto (vocals), Krusnedi Sukarwanto (cello, cak/cuk, vocals), and daughter Sohna Inarika Sukarwanto (vocals, choreography and dance)

http://www.orkesmanohara.com/

CHICK INFLUENZA'S IN THE HOUSE

JAZZ NOW! SEATTLE

Seattle Jazz Composers Ensemble and the Blindfolded Ensemble featured on Jazz Now! Seattle:

http://jazznowseattle.com/jazz-now-seattle-episode-26/

LISTEN TO THEM

It comes in waves.
The last one started in December and has continued until presently...
it came with a bang - like lightning - illuminating the dark showing what is lurking in the shadows. the more grounded I am the clearer it crashes in - but oftentimes that's when it's the hardest to take.

It is scary - and exciting - and confusing - and surreal - and sometimes saddening - and thrilling all at the same time. And rejecting it really doesn't make anything any easier.

The only thing to do is to listen to the waves
and try not to get washed away.

(O CAPTAIN! my Captain!)

Thursday, March 24, 2011

MY HEART

I'm not going to cry all the time
nor shall I laugh all the time,
I don't prefer one "strain" to another.
I'd have the immediacy of a bad movie,
not just a sleeper, but also the big,
overproduced first-run kind. I want to be
at least as alive as the vulgar. And if
some aficionado of my mess says "That's
not like Frank!", all to the good! I
don't wear brown and grey suits all the time,
do I? No. I wear workshirts to the opera,
often. I want my feet to be bare,
I want my face to be shaven, and my heart--
you can't plan on the heart, but
the better part of it, my poetry, is open.

(Frank O'Hara)

PLEASE

DEMONSTRATE

MANTRA

every obstacle is an opportunity

doesn't mean it isn't hard as hell - but it IS an opportunity nonetheless.

perspective is my weapon of choice.

BIG ♥

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

FOR REALS

WHY DO YOU KEEP KICKING YOURSELF WHILE YOU'RE TRYING TO WALK?

UM, DUDE - IT LIKE TOTALLY IMPEDES YOUR ABILITY TO MOVE FORWARD

WHAT YOU CHOOSE

fear can not exist in the same place that love and gentleness abide

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

my job is to love
to love everything enough to have compassion for where things are and why
and to love enough to let it pour freely from me, without reservation or requirement of reciprocation
recharging everything I come in contact with
nourishing, cultivating
(BF 2009)

NEW MUSIC FOR BLINDFOLDED ENSEMBLE

VIDEO GAME MUSIC

SIMPLICITY

do the work.

PLEASE DON'T FORGET

It's in the actions not in the words....that's where you see the truth.
Always.

Our choices and hierarchy of importance, our values, our considerations, what we honor, who we are, is revealed in the exchange of how we act towards other entities.

It cannot be covered up, or twisted, or bent - the actions (or lack thereof in some cases) always speak with greater volume and clarity than any of the words....no matter how many are used or from what angle they come.

My advice - both to myself and to others:
If you aren't walkin it - shut the fuck up.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

OREGON TRAIL

Someone just mentioned this on facebook and it brought up a flood of memories for me...I'm actually in the process of doing a concert of classic video game music so my relationship to various games has been coming up a lot - looking at their role in different stages of my life.

When my friend Cameron posted "you have died of dysentery" I instantaneously zoomed back into my 8 year old body. I remembered it so vividly...I used to play that game for hours. I was in the 3rd grade, it was when stuff with my mom really started to escalate... magnify...intensify...at a much more rapid rate. She would forget about picking me up at school a lot, regularly running up to 2 hours late or not showing up at all. As I waited I would play Oregon Trail on the school computer. It was a big deal that we had a computer and that it had a game that wasn't just an education program. I focused on that while I waited, until the next decision had to be made. It kept me from being hysterical (at least externally).

That year I became a walker.
My grandfather dropped me off in the morning and I walked home from school in the afternoon.

I started to love walking home.
I loved when school would end and it was my turn to leave.
There was no waiting - I just went...off into the glorious world alone.

I eventually began walking with my friend Kate who lived just down the street - the beginning of a very important friendship that got me through some even tougher years to come...

1988 - I did not die of dysentery.

2011 - anyone who knows me knows that I'm an avid pedestrian and I walk on average between 3-5 miles a day...you have made it to Seattle...press SPACE BAR to continue...

EAGLE MEDICINE WITH HELP FROM A CROW

No. 1 way to make me rebel - impose limitations - I don't take well to my freedom being compromised.

That's at the core.
For sure.

I'm not fond of having restrictions or limitations on what something can or can't be.

(THE LAW OF EXPANSION IS BROKEN BY SUPPRESSION)

"Lost in a Paradigm" (Crystal Beth / 2007)
We're both the same
lost in a paradigm
of sublime confrontation
confined on the rocks of despair
over easy
through total destruction
we transmute our ability to be touched by the source
we deny our ability to be present
we disable
and disengage our being

WE TRADE EXPERIENCE FOR CONTROL...WHAT A WASTE...

(photo by Stephanie Loh)

Monday, March 21, 2011

UNDERSTANDING

understand the complexities of the system you are operating in , and your place in it...simplicity comes through unification...

Sunday, March 20, 2011

LIVING ROOM PARTY 45

SKETCH_FACING THE TRUTH

ORIGINAL OUTLINE_FACING THE TRUTH

the truth seekers
riding full gallop on their horses
push up against the fabric of reality's possibilities
stretching the bubble so you can see all of the colors that make up the prism
they leave a trail of golden stardust
it seeps out of their human bodies
as time passes through them
with each breath they ride faster and harder
moving with light and sound
they ride to unveil the truth of the godhead
the oneness
to embody it
to seek the truth

LOVE

(for my heart)

TRAVERSING

CRYSTAL BETH ON THE RADIO

Crystal Beth
Unplugged....

KBCS 90.3fm
Flotation Device
guest host: John Seman
with extra special guest: Stevie P

This was interesting because I showed up to do my Crystal Beth stuff and the amp I was using just acted as a giant conductor and made an increasingly loud droning hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......so, no electronics could be used for the solo performance.....which is only THE WHOLE SET.............or SO I THOUGHT........ I learned a valuable lesson that night: HAVE HUMAN, WILL MAKE MUSIC.

(video by Nicholas Polimenakos)

E FIG AUDIO

FIGEATER

conFIGuration: E FIG
BF + Shane Perlowin (guitar) + Matthew Richmond (vibes/percussion) + Brad Hebert (drums)

Asheville, NC
February 25, 2011

the full set...

Invocation

Crazy Lady

Improvisation

Commentary

And I Cry

Improvisation

Watersong

second set music by Shane Perlowin and Matthew Richmond...

Shedding the Night (SP)

Title (MR)

Oakland Park East (SP)

Pain Around the Corner (SP)

Title (MR)